


Letting Go

by Tardisblue246



Series: Amelia and Freddie Song [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Family Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-01-01 02:13:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tardisblue246/pseuds/Tardisblue246
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As events out of his control affect his family, and his daughter strives for independence, can The Doctor keep them safe and prevent his biggest fear from coming true for a second time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A small act of rebellion

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first of hopefully many stories to do with the Doctor and his family. I will try to stay true to the events that are cannon, but of course half of my characters in this story are not cannon so I could go off on a tangent. 
> 
> This story is mainly to focus on the main characters I want to work with and establish their relationships. I hope you enjoy, comments and questions about my work are welcome, I will do my best to update as much as I can. 
> 
> If you have any suggestions for stories that you want to read by all means make, any reason to challenge my writing skills is gratefully received.

"She fell in love with the man from the stars"

The Doctor re-read the last line with mixed feelings, this women, Joan, had given everything to him, her love and friendship and most of all her trust and he had broken her heart by becoming The Doctor again, he had wondered what would have happened if the family of blood had not attacked, he assumed he would have never converted himself, used the chameleon arch and rewritten his entire biology to become human and the whole story would have never existed. He did sometimes imagine what it would be like living a normal human life, death, all the in-between. He let out a slow breath and snapped the book shut, that was in the past he had to focus on what was important in the here and now otherwise he would drive himself to insanity he knew that, it had happened before. He leant back and gazed up at the ceiling of his study, well, his main study, the one he spent the most time in, he had no idea how many study's were on the Tardis and he never felt the need to find out. This particular study had a hologram of the Grand Spiral Galaxy one of his many favourites, he liked the way there way always something new to spot even in the hologram, forever changing just the way he liked it. His thoughts were interrupted by a shudder and jolting from the Tardis, the familiar whirring sounds became louder and more strained. The Doctor sprang from his chair and rushed out of the study, whoever was messing with the console was going to be in for it.

There was a calm silence; only the faint hum of the Tardis could be heard. From far across the control room a door opened, a head poked around it looking around, after seeing there was no one in sight her lips curled into a devious smile and she rushed through the door excited but also careful not to make too much noise, she impatiently beckoned a second person who stood hesitant at the door. She hissed

"Come on! Quick!"

When he remained where he was shaking his head slightly, she sighed dramatically, strolled over and pulled him in.

"You know mum is working on her archaeology paper and dad is reading in the study they won't be out for hours, you know how they are"

The boy relaxed slightly at those words and even smiled towards his big sister, he knew she wouldn't lead him into any danger, only trouble. Amelia and Fredric headed towards the console Amelia's eyes gleamed with excitement, Fredric's filled with worry.

"Amy I'm not allowed in here, you're not allowed in here without dad or mum around supervising you"

Amelia looked at him exasperated

"Freddie I'm 16… I have looked into the Untempered Schism so I am more then capable of going into the control room unsupervised, you have a year to go until you have to go through that, I know that but I'm your supervisor ok?"

Freddie was still uncomfortable Amelia sighed again 

"If we are caught I will take the blame alright?"

Freddie livened up after that. Amelia started to show him the basic controls taking delight in the fact she could be the teacher for a change rather then being treated like a child… A sudden jolt made her focus on what was happening in front of her, the Tardis was shuddering and jolting, Amelia looked over and saw Freddie by the main controls looking terrified. Amelia clung onto a rail as the Tardis gave another jolt making her way towards her brother trying to stay calm.

"Freddie, what's happened, what have you done?"

Freddie was too terrified to speak as he clung onto the console but he pointed towards the leaver he had accidently pulled, shit it wasn't a leaver she recognized, anything could be happening. Amelia immediately turned to her brother.

"Freddie, hold onto the rail and don't let go ok? I will handle it"

Freddie clutched onto the railing almost in tears. Amelia turned back towards the console racking her brains for a solution whilst trying to stop herself from being thrown halfway across the room, the jolting was getting worse and she knew if she didn't do something soon she would have more than her parents fury to deal with. The Tardis lurched sending Amelia flying onto the floor. Suddenly the jolting ceased, Amelia hauled herself up from the floor and immediately turned towards her brother, extending her hand towards him.

"You ok, Freddie?"

He took her hand and let her haul him up, Amelia checked him to make sure nothing was broken. He was still shaking. She smiled down at him, relieved.

"Hey, its fine no long term damage"

She pulled him into a tight hug. Someone cleared their throat behind them, Amelia whipped around to see The Doctor lift his hand off a leaver he had clearly pulled to stop the Tardis malfunctioning. He turned to face his children arms crossed and raised his eyebrow as he broke the silence.

"So, anyone care to explain?"


	2. When they cry silently it's because they just can't stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crushing weight of confinement both physically and mentally are taking its toll on Ameila, but a chance of escape is about to present itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to focus on what would happen if the Doctor had a family and particularly the relationships they would have. The main character of this story will be Amelia, but I will be shifting the points of view so each character has a point of view. 
> 
> This chapter is mostly from Amelia's viewpoint, enjoy and as always comments are welcome.

"I don't understand why you won't let me do anything, why you are constantly telling me to.."

she changes her voice mocking her fathers authoritative attitude

"Wait until I am ready"

Amelia strode across the room until she was face to face with her father.

"Do I embarrass you? is that it? I can't ever live up to your expectations because I am part human?"

The Doctor was taken aback by her words. Amelia took his steely expression and hesitant stance to be confirmation of her  
accusations and straightened up defensively.

"Of course, maybe it's my human side that has made me so slow to realise"

After a moment of silence she turned on her heel and strode towards her room, her shoes making a cold, clanging  
sound which echoed around the Tardis long after she was out of the Doctor's sight.

"Millie..."

The Doctor stopped and started pacing the room, for a man who once claimed to have 21 brains it scared him that  
he had no idea how to handle the fragile relationship he had with his daughter.

...

Amelia stormed into her room and slammed her door with as much force as she could and just stood staring around  
her room as she picked apart moment by moment exactly what had happened, her expression hadn't changed, blank  
and cold just like before, she was well practised.  
she stood pressing her back against the door resting her head against the frame, the voice in the back of her  
head whispering

"you will never be good enough, you're an embarrassment"

again and again, her steely expression suddenly cracked and tears started to roll silently down her cheeks.  
Her knees gave way but she didn't care as she slid down the door and onto the floor her head in her head in her hands  
as she tried to keep herself sane. She wanted it all to go away, if she wasn't good enough for her father and not normal  
enough for a completely human life then where did she belong? Nowhere.

"Please! Make it stop!"

she begged herself as the dark voice got louder and louder in her head, until suddenly it wasn't in her head anymore.  
It was in the room. Her room.

Amelia's eyes snapped open and she spotted the owner of the voice. He stood in the middle of the room staring straight at  
her as if he could read exactly what was in her mind, and thats exactly what he was doing.

He pouted

"Little Amelia Song, why so glum?"

Amelia immediately stood and felt frantically for the door handle. The figure chuckled.

"oh by all means run to daddy, but before you do that let me ask you one thing..."

Amelia kept her eyes locked on him as she continued to feel for the handle.

"...What is your dream, Amelia, what is your unspoken wish?"

She was now getting more and more irritated as this stranger slantered around her room as if he owned the place.

"What would you care?! how did you get in here and what do you want?"

The stranger smirked knowing he had her attention even if she didn't trust him, her attention was enough for now.

"You see, Amelia, I've seen inside your head and my, my I sympathise with you my dear, your loneliness is consuming you"

Amelia's jaw tightened as the words that felt so true stabbed her repeatedly in the heart, she was now making no attempt to  
escape the room like before, she had never said anything about this before now so how on earth could he know unless he was  
telling the truth?

"Who are you and what do you want?"

Amelia repeated but with less certainty. The stranger bowed to her, mocked horror etched all over his face.

"Oh how incredibly rude of me, well I have seen your dreams and wishes so I suppose I am a Dreamlord...yes that seems rather  
fitting, call me the Dreamlord and what I want my dear is for you to be happy, call me your...guardian angel."

Amelia still wasn't convinced but she couldn't help being intrigued.

"Now lets cut to the chase Amelia, I can give you a chance at your dream I can give you a normal human life, a fresh start,  
a chance to be happy. How does that sound?"

Amelia was not expecting that answer and remained incredibly sceptical, she had been let down so many times in her life, why  
should this be any different? The Dreamlord could see the conflict in her eyes and pressed further.

"Your father doesn't see how unique you are and does he deserve to? Does he deserve what you have to offer if he treats you  
like an accident he wished never happened? because you know deep down that's how it is, don't you?"

She couldn't keep it in, it was all too much as more tears slipped down her cheeks in reluctant acceptance. The Dreamlord  
knew he had got her and now for the punch line, oh he loved the drama, so entertaining.

"I can give you a human life, a way out, all this pain will be forgotten. I can put you in a dreamlike state and you won't  
remember anything about your life here apart from your name and age, its a chance of a lifetime Amelia, take it."

"Freddie, he needs me" Amelia thought aloud, how could she leave him?

"Does he really, my dear? He is growing up, soon he wont need you to guide him, he will become exactly like the rest of them  
he will forget about you and then you go back to being alone and unappreciated"

Something seemed to click in the back of Amelia's mind in agreement with this statement, why should she have to feel insignificant  
when the chance to make a life for herself, to fit in, was right in the palm of her hand.  
There was something about the Dreamlord too, he seemed familiar and understood exactly what was going on in her head which was  
a rarity. She turned and strode towards the Dreamlord so they were eye to eye.

"How do I know you are not making fun of me, can I trust you?"

The Dreamlord looked almost bored with the conversation and sighed dramatically.

"All you have is my word, whether you trust it or not is up to you, I can see your father has driven you to be mistrusting of  
everything and seemingly anything that could disrupt his comfortable life, what a pity, I would have thought you would be more  
headstrong"

Before Amelia could answer someone knocked her door making her jump, hearing her nickname confirmed it was her father, He must  
be attempting to patch up their already broken relationship, making himself feel better she was sure. She shut her eyes and the  
knocking got louder and more frequent. The Dreamlord looked at his watch.

"Tick Tock, Amelia Song, what will it be?"

Amelia turned towards him, her eyes cold and unforgiving

"Do it" She demanded.


	3. Tortured by the past, Terrified of the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River tries to make sense of why the relationship between The Doctor and Amelia is now at breaking point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the lack of updates guys, my life is more or less back to normal now and writers block has passed so expect more frequent updates, YAY! :)

River, of course, came running laser blaster at her side, as soon as she heard the commotion, what she found made her chuckle in spite of herself. She really shouldn’t encourage the rebellious behaviour especially from her daughter but deep down she was relieved they weren’t very obedient. She swore the day her daughter was born that their childhoods would be the complete opposite of hers, besides it was her disobedience that lead her to love instead of murder and as mushy as that sounded it was the truth. But River also knew her husband, he was always going to be over protective with the children and she dreaded to think what he was going to make of this. Sure enough he appeared and she knew that look, the mixture of complete terror, anxiety and worry but almost as soon as he saw his children sprawled on the ground that expression changed to relief then anger. She knew deep down she shouldn’t interfere but that didn’t mean she liked it, since Millie became a teen she had, had a rocky relationship with her father but this argument was different to all the others.

“Do I embarrass you is that it”

River froze, she was very rarely speechless but she could hear the pain was in her daughters voice and it made her blood run cold. She controlled the maternal instincts that told her to follow Amelia as she stormed out of the console room; the Tardis hummed quietly indicating that she would take Amelia to where she needs to be, to calm down. She stroked the wall in thanks and taking a deep breath to compose herself stepped into the room, she could see her husband still processing what had just happened; she leant on the console fixing him with a sympathetic look.

“Well that went well…” 

She teased, trying to lighten the tense atmosphere that had settled in the room. When he didn’t respond her smile faded. 

“What happened to you both?”

She sighed

“You were so close when she was younger, now…” 

He looked at her, his eyes older then she had ever seen them, that look made her heart ache, he rarely lets this side of him show and its kills her to know that no matter how many centuries he had mastered the art of keeping his pain hidden, recently he was struggling, she desperately wanted to make it all better but this wasn’t her battle as painful as it was to watch there wasn’t anything she could do that she hadn’t tried already.

“They need to be protected River”

The Doctor replied solemnly

“And we will always be there for them but sweetie we have to let them find their own way eventually, this was always going to happen”

River replied, cupping his face in her hands, The Doctor sighed he knew she was right but the idea that his children would one day have to face and therefore be vulnerable to the universe terrified him. 

“I just want them, all of you to be safe. I am haunted every minute of every day with the image of you all targeted because of me and my past and I can’t change anything not one line…wha..what if have single handedly doomed my own family, River? I can’t stand it!”

“Because my past has always been so bright and cheerful” 

River responded sarcastically.

“No one would ever want to go after a psychopath and her family not at all” 

The Doctor looked back at her, he knew she was trying to comfort him up but that dazzling smile didn’t quite reach her eyes; it never did when the topic arose, which was frequently since Millie had become so curious about her heritage.

Before he could respond however he sensed something wrong, he felt a presence he hadn’t felt since the early days with his beloved Ponds. It was in Millie’s room. 

The Doctor had never run so fast and River was close behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review guys i would love to know what you think, any questions will be answered and even suggestions (if i like them ;) ) love you all xxx


	4. A new life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia is under the dreamlord's spell and unaware of what she has lost, she is now a young adult living a normal life, despite this freedom and success she has a constant ache in her heart that her life choices seem unable to sooth.

Amelia woke with a start and sat bolt upright breathing heavily. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table which read 4.00am, she sighed knowing she would never get back to sleep now and rolled out of her bed. Shuffling around her small but modern apartment she started switching all the lights on, a technique she did to bring herself back to the reality her dreams constantly tried to take her away from. Another useful tactic suggested by her therapist. Yawning she pops on the kettle and faces her favourite spot in her apartment, the long tall double glass doors that open to the balcony. That was the reason she bought the place if she was really being honest with herself, she can see the colours of dawn, dusk and her personal favourite, the clear starry nights. She could spend forever and a day just lying on her deckchair and getting lost in the universe that lay above her. She poured herself a cup of tea, milk, two sugars, before making her way to that spot.

Just as she got settled she felt the buzz of her mobile in the pocket of her robes, she never goes anywhere without it and good thing too if they were going to phone her at half four in the morning!   
“James?”   
She answered, she was never sure what to expect but secretly that’s what she loved about her job.  
“Mills get in here now! There was an accident at the ‘Bonton’ warehouse 5 people are in critical condition with another 10 needing medical attention, we need everyone we can get!”  
“ I will be there in 5 hang on”   
Amelia stood up her breathing becoming more rapid but now was not the time for her to loose her head and she quickly calms herself, a trait she is most admired for at the hospital, grabs her keys and emergency bag then takes off towards Leadworth Hospital.

…

Amelia burst through the doors almost crashing straight into James who luckily saw her coming and had prepared for the impact. He stopped her from over balancing a shadow of a grin crossed his face before it was suddenly serious again.   
“They're just about to be brought in, prepare yourself this was a nasty one”   
Amelia nodded getting her breath back before gathering the tools she would need for those patients that would need her attention immediately. No sooner had she clocked the siren of the ambulances the first critical patients burst through the double doors on the trollies and the medical team let their trusted instincts take over as time was not on their side for any of these patients. James immediately took leadership and strategically assigned his medical team to each patient. 

“Mills! Take this man here he has lost a lot of blood already, stabilise him and then focus on the injuries, got it?”

But Amelia was already two steps ahead of him, her instincts driving her forward despite the temptation to gag at the four-inch pole sticking out of his lower abdomen. She pushed that thought right to the back of her mind, she would deal with that later but at this very moment it was her responsibility to save him.

They rounded the last corner before entering the theatre and applying the breaks providing a stable surface for them to start treating the patent who was starting to get more agitated with all the activity that was surrounding him. 

"Hello, My name is Amelia but most people call me Mills, its quicker. Whats your name?" 

Amelia hoped that the light hearted conversation would calm the patient, she knew she needed his trust and knew he was scared, she would be too if there was a pole sticking out of her, but he needed to stay calm and know he was in safe hands.

His wide eyes scanned Amelia frantically the confusion of the situation clearly overwhelming him. Amelia took his hand as he was hooked up to the equipment, he clasped it back pressing something into her hand, Amelia took it and saw it was a photograph of him with his arm presumably around his wife and looking down with pride at two children, a girl and a little boy perched on chairs beaming back at her. It was clearly the photo that kept him going and he pleaded with her to keep it safe. She took it and smiled back at him 

"You will be home soon" She promised him.

The Patient was put to sleep whilst the surgery went ahead, with the determination of his survival increased she did what she could to assist the surgeon. What she did not anticipate as the pole was removed the sudden turn that would cause him to fit violently, his heart rate was increasing as Amelia yelled out instructions to the stunned team who immediately acted. Grasping his hand Ameila pleaded with him to stay with them as CPR was administered. His heart rate flatlined and still clasping his limp hand Amelia indicated to the team to cease CPR, they all turned to her their faces morbid as she spoke the sentence every doctor dreaded to hear.

"Time of death 6:02am"

Amelia had always adored her peers for many reasons, one of them being that they can understand the triumphs and need to succeed but also the inevitable pain that this job could bring. But this time was different, She endured the pats on the back, endless cups of tea and homemade cakes from the receptionist, passing comments asking how she was feeling and that this happens to everyone in the job but really she wanted to be alone, she needed to collect her thoughts.

She said her goodbyes at the end of her shift and walked away from the pitying glances stepping out into the car park, the sky was at the peak of dawn. A new day. She felt something in the back pocket of her jeans, confused she pulled out the crumpled paper, flattening it out. It was the family photograph that was not even an hour ago pressed into her hand by the patient she had lost. For some reason Amelia couldn't tear her eyes away from the happy family as she felt her eyes well up, those beautiful children would never see their father again and that thought hurt her more then anything had before in her life. her legs felt numb, she sat down on a low wall that separated the car park from the ambulance spaces. She let out a breath and suddenly realised that her hands were shaking violently. She knew the reason, there was a hole in her life that she convinced herself helping others would fix, clearly that wasn't the case and this tragedy was clearly a trigger, she felt more lost then ever before. She had no family, no roots. She shook her head thoroughly, she can't go down that road again. She looked back at the photograph and the overwhelming sense of failure hit her and a tear fell down her cheek followed by a cascade and the next thing she knew she was sobbing, her head in her hands.

Through her fingers Amelia suddenly saw something out of the corner of her eye, she turned suddenly aware she was not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, took me a while for this one, Amelia's new life was teaming with possibilities but i hope you like what I chose for her to become however there is much more to it. As always reviews are welcome and I am delighted by the Kudos left on my work these things keep me writing so thank you so much :) xx


	5. Regret and realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Amelia has been taken, but what will happen when River and The Doctor learn of her fate? How will they cope? How are they going to get their daughter back?

The Doctor reached Amelia's door and pummelled it frantically, of course his daughter would put slide locks on the inside and insist her door is made out of wood. He continued to wrap on the door.

"Millie! MILLIE! Are you alright?"

He pressed his ear against the door and heard multiple voices, and then nothing followed by a thud. That was enough for him to start ramming his whole body against the door in a panic, the door remained solid but that didn't stop him. River skidded to a halt beside him breathing heavily.

"Move!"

she shouted backing up. The Doctor didn't need telling twice as he dodged out the way of Rivers heel as it rammed against the lock, breaking it open. What they saw would haunt the parents for the rest of their lives, their daughter face down and spread-eagle on the floor as if she had been knocked unconscious. They ran to her side, River turning her over carefully so Amelia’s head was cradled in her lap, The Doctor immediately scanned his daughter with his sonic screwdriver hands trembling as he assessed the readings his face paled at the results. 

“What’s wrong, what’s happened to her?” 

River tried to keep her voice steady and calm but she couldn’t stop the tears welling up as she spoke. The Doctor looked up and their eyes met, both as terrified as the other as he attempted to speak. 

“Sh..She is technically in a dream state, but the symptoms are more like…like a coma” 

whatever colour left in River’s face drained as she processed the situation. The Doctor’s face hardened as he stood, the familiar masked expression across his face. 

“She needs to be in the medical bay”

he stated bluntly. He stoops, gently picks up his daughters limp body and strides out of the room leaving River alone, not quite taking in what had just happened, she shut her eyes, Amelia had been in danger…Amelia was in danger how could this have happened?   
“Mummy?” 

River turned and she saw Freddie in the doorway, he cocked his head to one side, confused.

“why are you crying mummy?”

He asked beginning to look frightened. River looked up, quickly wiping her eyes as she scooped up her youngest and held him tight. 

“Your sister isn’t very well poppet, but don’t worry your father and I are looking after her, how about a story before bed?” 

She bopped him on the nose, the smile not quite reaching her eyes and she carried Freddie to his room. When Freddie had finally settled River stroked his hair back from his face, he was so small and innocent, just a child and so was Amelia if she couldn’t even keep her safe then what chance did Freddie have, tears stung her eyes as she kissed the little boys forehead before hurrying to the medical bay. 

River stopped outside the door to the medical bay, she could hear the sounds of the scanners and she pressed her hand against the door, hesitant to go in, she shook her head pushing her emotions to the back of her mind as she pushed the door open.

…

This couldn’t be happening, how could he let this happen? It was all out of The Doctors control and he knew it, it was taking every ounce of his strength not to panic, he needed to concentrate Amelia had been taken from them but he will get her back, he had to get her back. 

He continued scanning his daughter trying not to look at her, as she lay completely dormant and unresponsive. He heard the door open and glanced around before returning to assessing Amelia. 

“What do we do?” 

River asked stroking Amelia’s face as she looked towards The Doctor who was purposefully not looking her in the eye, River could see the frustration mounting between them but she couldn’t let it lie, he knew something she didn’t and she was not going to play along, not with Amelia’s life potentially on the line.

“What do we do?” 

She asked again a lot more forcefully making The Doctor stop, River was at his side immediately, she took his face in her hands and looked at him dead in the eyes.

“Talk to me sweetie, we can get her back. Together. Just tell me what’s going on”  
The Doctor was about to answer when a loud pop filled the air. They both looked towards the noise.

“Yes Doctor do tell, you’re not fooling anyone, you know exactly what’s happened” 

The Doctors eyes darkened as he faced a familiar figure that was leaning against the closed door, looking mildly amused at the situation. 

“Awww come on spoil sport, don’t keep it all to yourself, you must learn to share” 

The Dreamlord pouted crossing his arms. The Doctor continued to stare at the Dreamlord the oncoming storm unmistakably visible in his eyes as both his fists clenched at the sight of him. It was River who broke the silence her frustration peaked as no answer came from both men who were glaring at each other.

“What the hell is going on if no one gives me an answer in five seconds I will loose it”

She placed her hand on her laser blaster and pointed it towards the Dreamlord to emphasise the fact she wasn’t joking, she was in no mood for games and would shoot him if she had to.

“He calls himself the Dreamlord”

The Doctor explained, not taking his eyes off his smug face as he carried on.

“He’s done this to Amelia I’ve seen this before, in fact Its happened to me before, and your parents”

The Doctor flinched slightly as the mention of the Pond’s but quickly recovered.

“He has put her in a dream state that he is controlling, but what I really want to know is why?”

He directed the question towards the Dreamlord which made his smile widen, determined to make the most of knowing so much more then The Doctor.

“There are no traps or tricks here Timelord”

he remarked placing his hands in the air in a mock surrender.

“No, no, no, your precious daughter asked for this. Well, I gave her an opportunity and she accepted”

Rivers hands shook under her weapon this wasn’t true she would have known if her daughter was so unhappy that she would agree to be taken away from her family permanently. She blinked back the tears determined not to show this man any emotion whatsoever.

“Bring her back now!” 

She told the Dreamlord, her voice cold and steady. The Dreamlord looked over at her but joy in his features only strengthened.

“Oh but Doctor you haven’t told her the best bit yet have you? I wonder if she is clever enough to solve my little riddle mmm?”

He skipped towards River his forehead inches from her blaster

“Now there’s only one person that hates The Doctor as much as I do, so who am I River Song?”

It dawned on River who paled at the words, she gripped the counter to stop her legs from giving way, this was too much.

The Dreamlord looked at his watch with a bored sigh he rounded on The Doctor 

“Well I would love to stick around but I must dash and make sure Miss Song has settled in”

Before The Doctor could react he was gone with another pop. 

“He. Is. You?” 

River’s question was barely audible however The Doctor could hear the betrayal in her voice.

“Yes” 

The Doctor bowed his head as he confirmed this and consequently had the breath knocked out of him when River hurled herself at him her anger uncontrollable as she started hitting him everywhere and anywhere.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME THIS HAD HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW OUR DAUGHTER IS GOD KNOWS WHERE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

River was unrecognizable as she started sobbing, the weight of her failure to protect her child becoming the driving force of her rage. The Doctor said nothing and took the punches until she had no more energy left. They both slid to the floor, The Doctor holding River’s trembling body tightly as tears also slid down his cheeks. They stayed like that for what felt like hours just holding each other silently.

...

“I’m sorry” 

River whispered 

“This is something we are both responsible for if we fight then we will loose Amelia forever we need to work together” 

River’s hand curled around the lapel of his tweed jacket. The Doctor sighed and kissed the top of her head, deep in thought.

“There is no safe way to wake her, the only alternative is to follow her into the dream itself and somehow convince her to come back”

River shifted her position to look at her husband

“Can you do that, would it work?”

“The Dreamlord is my subconscious so I should be able to access the dream he is controlling as it is in my brain”

They both stood up The Doctor lept over to a cabinate that appeared out of nowhere, his box of useful junk, he always called it, and he took out a glass jar full of what looked like fireflies. 

“Psychic pollen!” 

He announced, River looked at the jar hope flooding through her.

“This will need a vent and heat device to activate” 

She ran off to the Tardis console, collecting everything she needed, adrenaline rushing through her as she sped back to the medical bay.

The Doctor turned to see River rush back into the room arms full and watched her dump everything on to the counter. He rushed to her side and together started to build the device that would activate the pollen.

“That should do it”

River panted as the both stepped back from the creation, they would have admired their handy work more but time was not on their side. The Doctor attempted to insert the pollen into their contraption but River’s hand gripped his wrist.

“Will this work?”

She asked, the terror back in her eyes. The Doctor looked back at her equally as fearful for what laid ahead.

“I don’t know but I have to try, if anything happens to me then the Tardis will keep you and Freddie safe I promise”

They gazed at each other for a full minute before River reached out and kissed her husband passionately.

“I love you, please bring her back to us”

She whispered their foreheads touching before she left the room watching from the window.

The Doctor placed the pollen in the machine and turned it on, turning to sit by his daughters side, he look her limp hand and held it tightly.

“No matter where you are Amelia I will find you, I promise that there is nowhere you will be taken that I can’t find you and I am on my way, You are my universe and I will give my life to make sure you are safe”

The Doctors vision became hazy and River kept her hand pressed against the glass even after she saw her husband pass out, his hand still clutching Amelia’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I am a perfectionist, this chapter took ages but I hope it was worth the wait. 
> 
> As always let me know what you think and what you predict will happen next.
> 
> I love all my readers you are what keeps me going, seriously! Have a great week my chicka's


	6. A painful exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor has entered the dreamworld to find Amelia and convince her to come home but with no plan (because he hasn't thought of one yet) it becomes apparent how challenging it will be to even locate her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update hurrah! hope you are enjoying my story so far and that you were all excited about the BBC realising the air date of series 8, i know i was! Anyway hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it and please leave a review or message me on here or tumblr (timeladyontherun), I would like some sort of indication what you all think as I am writing this for you my lovely readers! right now thats been said onwards with chapter 6!

The Doctor groaned as he sat up, not quite registering where he was but he had no doubt that the pounding feeling in his head was legitimate. It was clearly not a smooth ride and it took the Timelord a few minutes to adjust to the sudden change of scene.  
It was pouring with rain which didn’t help anything as he slowly stood, hand against the wall as he supported himself, looking around. He was in an alleyway which was connected to what looked like a town centre, The Doctor squinted in the rain trying to place exactly where he was, it seemed familiar.  
Once he was sure he was in as much control as he could be over his limbs he emerged from the alley, on the alert for anything that could tell him where he was.  
He strode down the street noticing how deserted it was, yes it was raining but surely people had places to be, there weren’t even any cars, must be a small village.  
He passed a post office and saw it was shut, he chuckled in spite of himself at the memory of his first adventure with the Pond’s this place was certainly similar to Leadworth. The Doctor stopped the smile sliding off his face as he saw the “Duck pond” and a telephone box right behind it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a Duck Pond”

“How do you know?”

“What?”

“There are no ducks so how do you know it’s a duck pond?”

“I don’t know it just is!”

This didn’t look like Leadworth this was Leadworth,, not even upper Leadworth, the exact Leadworth that Amy Pond the very women they named their daughter after once lived. If the Dreamlord wanted to make him feel pain he was certainly succeeding.  
Before he had any time to process this information he heard a yell to his right and a shout for help. Knowing he was very likely to be the only person that could hear him The Doctor sped off to the aid of the stranger.  
He found an old man lying on the pavement in agony with his dog nearby clearly distressed. The Doctor addressed the dog who introduced himself as Bailey he asked the dog to describe what had happened and Bailey replied whilst The Doctor listened intently.  
According to Bailey he was walking with his human when they approached the bridge which they had no problem walking up but the decent was when his human suffered an unfortunate fall, his master had hit his head and most likely broken his wrist. He was then told that he must dial 999 on his master’s phone so that he could be taken to the vet for humans. The Doctor obliged and turned to the poor old man who was still crying out in pain.

“Hello, I’m The Doctor don’t worry everything will be fine”

The old man brightened up at his words

“Oh thank heavens, what luck that a doctor should find me!”

The Doctor almost corrected him but there had been so many questions every time he had in the past that for once he went along with it.

“Indeed sir I am, now your friend here has filled me in on the events so I will need your phone so we can get help”

The old man frowned at his words but still took out his mobile and handed it over.

“A friend? But there’s no one else here apart from my dog…”

But the Doctor wasn’t listening as he tried to dial 999 but was that the number wasn’t recognized and to please try again, The Doctor stared at the phone trying to figure out what he was doing wrong, had the humans changed their help number? No impossible! They never do, the Doctor recalled visiting London in the year 4 million, the population had moved to a completely different planet yet they still kept the three-digit number. Humans, so nostalgic! 

“Are you sure you’re a doctor young man?”

The Doctor was taken aback by the question and looked quizzically at the man.

“Yes of course I am sure, why what makes you think I am not?”

The old man looked at him sympathetically 

“Well you are holding my mobile upside down…”

The Doctor turned the mobile device around and realised he had been dialling 666.

“Oh…well that’s a first”

The Doctor stated as he punched in the correct digits.  
Everything happened rather quickly after that, the ambulance could be heard from miles away and The Doctor kept chatting to the old man and despite thinking the man was absolutely insane the old man enjoyed the company as it took his mind off the searing pain.  
Before they knew it both men were whisked off to Leadworth hospital. The old man was rushed straight into ER leaving The Doctor with Bailey outside in the drizzle. He remembered clambering onto the first floor, forth from the end on the left. The window, of course, had been repaired years ago.  
Not entirely sure what to do next The Doctor looked down at Bailey who was looking very unimpressed that he was getting wet, The Doctor decided to enter the hospital and get himself and Bailey out of the rain. 

The interior was just how he remembered it as he wondered around the lobby nostalgically he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Sir? Is everything alright sir?”

The nurse looked at him with concern her eyes were drawn to the bow-tie and braces, a quizzical expression appeared on her face. The Doctor immediately gripped his bow-tie defensively and after an uncomfortable few minutes Bailey gave a loud sniff and he remembered why he was at the hospital in the first place.

“Yes I brought a man here and this is his dog”

The Doctor announced with a grin presenting the wet grumpy dog. Whatever the nurse expected it wasn’t that which explained why it took a few seconds for her to react.

“We can’t have animals in a hospital sir, we can arrange for him to be picked up by his next of kin”

…

So The Doctor found himself alone again in the hospital waiting room, he had clearly been forgotten as he had been there for some time. Not sure what to do next he decided to try and find the poor old man himself and make sure he was okay, not that he felt desperate to know but with no idea where to start with finding his daughter, seeing the old man might lift his spirits slightly. 

It was just like any other hospital with its winding corridors and confusing signage consequently it didn’t take long for the Doctor to become completely lost. 

“Doctor!”

The Doctor froze in his tracks, the voice wasn’t familiar at all, he turned to see a young nurse waving frantically in his direction. Just as he was about to respond someone charged into him from behind both persons and some files fell onto the floor in a heap.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry sir!”

The Doctor gathered the files up then proceeded to help the women up. He froze. Staring back at him, embarrassment evident on her face was Amelia. The Doctor was frozen on the spot, mouth open.

“Millie?”

He whispered. She looked at him with confusion. 

“Doctor Song! We need you right now!”

The nurse was hopping from foot to foot with anxiety and Amelia gave a nod not taking her eyes off The Doctor as if scanning him mentally.

“Right! Sorry Stan, I’m coming”

She looked worried as she addressed The Doctor

“You should get checked out for concussion sir, I would take you myself but…”

She glanced back at the now empty hallway

“Emergency, oh and thanks!”

She took the files from him and hurried down the hall slipping slightly as she came to the corner and then she was gone. The Doctor didn’t move for several minutes then he shook his head, snapped out of it and followed his daughter.

…

It didn’t take him long to spot her again, an alarm sounded somewhere to his left and saw his daughter along with another doctor and two nurses rush to the patients aid.  
All The Doctor could do was watch as Amelia, looking completely at ease, yelled orders to each individual and started CPR, the patients heart monitor had flat lined but there was a look of determination on Amelia’s face that showed no indication of giving up. She continued more forcefully on the patent until finally there was a response.  
As he watched his daughter continuing to treat the man she had just saved The Doctor felt the pride swell up in him as he realised how much Amelia had achieved in this life, however the pride quickly turned to pain as he also came to the realisation that she had chosen to give up her life with him for this and what made it worse was she seemed so happy.  
He wanted to know why, to understand what pain lead her to decide to turn her back on her heritage. But none of that would be possible unless he could make her remember and believe that she had left behind her real life and now currently living a lie. The Doctor continued to watch over his daughter completely fascinated but then lost her once her shift had ended, he had no other choice but to wait at the hospital for her to return. 

He didn’t know it but Amelia would soon have to return in order to deal with the warehouse victims. When The Doctor saw her again his hearts lifted but he was almost flattened by a mass of victims who were entering the hospital at an alarming rate. As much as he wanted to see his daughter there was no way he could, it was just all too much, he backed out of the hospital and sat on a nearby bench deep in thought as he put his head in his hands. What was he going to do?

What felt like hours passed before he saw any staff coming out of the hospital, just as The Doctor considered walking back in again he saw a figure emerge and walk directly towards him. The Doctor got up and took a step backwards, who was this person? Had he been spotted? He considered that he must look very suspicious not to mention downright creepy waiting in the darkness for someone who had no idea who he was. Just as he was about to make a run for it the figure sat down on the nearby wall and put their head in their hands.  
The Doctor took a step closer and his hearts gave a jolt as he discovered it was his daughter, sobbing, completely alone. Before he knew what he was doing The Doctor reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue as he walked towards Amelia.


	7. A familiar stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter hurrah! As always please review and I hope you are enjoying my story so far!

Amelia jumped to her feet, her right foot slid back instinctively, her fists clenched and raised to her chest as she prepared to defend herself. What she had not expected was for the stranger to offer her a tissue. Her eyes darted from the tissue back to the stranger suspiciously before slowly taking it. She recognised the figure but had no idea where from. 

“Hi...I saw…well, you looked upset…so erm here!…are you okay?”

Amelia recognised the voice too

“I know you!”

The Doctors hearts leapt

“You are the gentleman I sent flying this afternoon, again very sorry about that, I should really be asking if you’re okay, it is part of my job after all”

The Doctor felt his hearts plummet as he tried to accept she had no other memory of him but he could help but smile, she clearly hadn’t lost her wit. He coughed.

“Only a teeny headache no damage done!” 

The Doctor replies in a sing song voice knocking on his own head for emphasis.

Amelia watched him shaking her head in disbelief but with a smile on her face. 

“Has anyone told you you’re a bit weird?” 

she chuckles.

The Doctor shrugs 

“They never really stop. May I join you?”

He indicated the spot next to Amelia and she moved aside to provide more room.

“Be my guest, I need a distraction after a day like this” 

She sighed.

The Doctor sat down next to his daughter his muscles were clearly resenting the idea as they ached profusely at the movement, well there was no doubt he is an old man now, he thought as he sat down.  
After a few more minutes of enquiring The Doctor soon learnt about the events that had taken place in the early hours. The Doctor actually couldn’t remember the last time he and his daughter actually sat down and had a chat, he could feel a tight knot of regret forming at the thought and instantly tried to put it to the back of his mind.

“So who are you exactly, or shall I forever refer to you as that guy I ran into?”

Amelia joked. The Doctor looked at her sadly before answering.

“It’s Smith, John Smith” 

Amelia raised her eyebrows.

“Seriously, John Smith? An extremely common name for clearly a rather extraordinary man”

She replied looking at his bowtie not with astonishment but almost approval. 

“Well anyway I am Amelia Song, but most people call me Mills” 

Amelia extended her hand and The Doctor took it, the situation would be amusing, shaking hands with his own daughter, if the situation wasn’t so serious. Amelia’s grip slacked suddenly as she looked at The Doctor’s hands.

“Are you aware how cold and clammy your hands are John?” 

The Doctor was not expecting that remark and laughed out loud in spite of himself.

“Well that’s not very nice is it?”

But Amelia looked very serious.

“John, you have been coughing a very chesty cough since you joined me and said you have a headache. Have you felt any joint pains?”

The Doctor nodded, slightly confused as to why Amelia suddenly looked so concerned. She instructed him to stay where he was and ran back into the hospital which was rather odd, he knew she was a doctor but for goodness sake he was only a little under the weather, not surprising considering all the events so far, it must have taken a bit of a toll on his body. She returned just a few minutes later a thermometer in hand and before anything else was said she jammed it into his mouth.

“Your bedside manner needs improving!” The Doctor pouted.

Amelia said nothing as she inspected his temperature; The Doctor frowned as she studied it.

“John your temperature reads 38.8°C, I think you are coming down with the flu, you have to rest and have regular visits from a doctor don’t worry I will take care of it. Where do you live I can take you home?”

Flu? THE FLU?! How could I have flu? The Doctor looked at Amelia wondering what exactly he was going to say, an accurate yet believable description of the situation would be that he was homeless and that was all he had.

“I am sort of homeless at the moment” The Doctor mumbled

It wasn’t exactly a lie but it was straying well away from the truth. Amelia looked at him with sympathy then seemed to make her mind up about something as she straightened up 

“Come on then”

She ordered and started walking towards her car. The Doctor seemed to have completely forgotten about the thermometer in his mouth as he gaped at Amelia in confusion. 

“I’m sorry?” 

he spluttered proceeding to remove the thermometer before he swallowed it.

“Well I am not accustomed to inviting strangers to my place but I think of us as acquaintances and it’s against my promise to ignore the sick”

The Doctor still couldn’t believe what was happening but went with it, tripping over his own feet trying to catch up with his daughter. He stops by her car, completely out of breath.

“You…trust…me?” 

He wheezed, Amelia helped him into the car with stern instructions not to over do it. 

“Anyway if you were an axe murderer you would have killed me instead of handing me a tissue”

Amelia gave The Doctor a reassuring smile before getting in the car herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the story will start to pick up soon, I want to establish the setting and the Doctors current relationship with his daughter so stay tuned as a show down is inevitable!


	8. You look at me and don't see me, do you have any idea how that feels?!

“For the last time! I’m fine, I don’t do ill, ill has never been a thing I do!” 

The Doctor yelled bursting into Amelia’s apartment Amelia wrenched the keys out of the lock. 

“Well you look and sound terrible so what else could it be, you are ill, deal with it!” 

she shouted back. That shut him up. The Doctor sat down and immediately resumed coughing and sneezing all at once. Amelia threw a huge box of tissues at him “

So where do you live? I can drop you off and refer you to your GP” 

Amelia stated picking up the phone. The Doctor looked at her sniffing, pouting and already covered in used tissues. “

I’m sort of homeless and what the hell is a GP?”

Amelia brushed off the last question, putting it down to exhaustion and addressed the homelessness situation 

“Right…you don’t look homeless” 

The Doctor, now slumped back on the sofa, sighed dramatically 

“It’s a long story, but my current situation stands at homeless and sick, apparently!” 

Taken aback Amelia assessed the situation, he wasn’t in any immediate danger, not enough to be taken to the hospital but she couldn’t send him on his way, the man refuses to believe he is sick, there is no way he would look after himself. Amelia sighed, she couldn’t believe what she was saying but heard the words come out of her mouth regardless. 

“Stay here then” 

The Doctor barely lifted his head from the sofa but his eyes widened with confusion 

“Sorry, what?” 

he croaked, not believing his ears, he had no reason to since the rest of his body had decided to violently reject him. Amelia scrutinised him once more but had to reply on her medical instincts. 

“Yes, you heard me, you are to stay here, on the sofa until you are better”

The Doctor was speechless, a rarity Amelia took advantage of.

“Right! Lie down and rest, no more talking, we both need a break from that!”

for once The Doctor complied, he was with his daughter and if he stood any chance of bringing her back, to gain her trust he would need to stay, to understand who she is. 

He looked around the apartment, this was the life she had subconsciously chosen? It seemed so normal. Why would she want a boring, normal life?

He felt his head start to pound and groaned. He couldn’t believe a human illness had crippled him like this he was a Timelord for crying out loud. Clearly a fault in his own immune system, maybe the ride to the dream world wasn’t as smooth as he thought.

…

For the next few days everything returned to normal, Amelia went to work and came back to looked after her own patent. It seemed as if The Doctor had always been staying and she rather enjoyed his company. When he wasn’t too sick to function they had many conversations.. The way he told her his stories or facts seemed so comfortingly familiar to Amelia that she was almost sorry when he showed signs of recovery.

At this particular moment The Doctor was raving about the constellations she could view from her balcony, when he saw Amelia yawn and rub her eyes. 

“Am I boring you?”

The Doctor enquired, trying to hide the tone of offence, he knew how much he could ramble when given the chance. Amelia yawned again but waved her hands apologetically.

“No! no carry on, the reason I bought this place to look at the stars on the balcony, I love learning about them”

The Doctor again felt a swell of pride, not everything about his daughter was lost. 

He spotted her yawn yet again and noticed the dark circles around her eyes, he looked at her now concerned. 

“Are you sleeping well? You’re always tired”

Amelia slumped down on the floor next to the sofa.

“I don’t sleep for more then a couple of hours at a time, its always been that way”

Amelia remarked sighing as she closed her eyes. The Doctor had to stop himself from stroking her amber curls, his hearts clenched knowing that the simple fatherly gesture would come across as odd to his daughter since she now saw him as a stranger, so he settled for simply listening.

Amelia rubbed her temples.

“I always have the same dream, well nightmare, for as long as I can remember”

As she described her single dream she encounters each night, Amelia didn’t notice the Doctor slowly sit more upright with every syllable she uttered. Her dream recounted his worse nightmare however it wasn’t a dream, not to either of them he just needed to make her remember.

“What if what you are describing aren’t dreams at all?”

The Doctor asked tentatively. To his surprise Amelia laughed.

“I wasn’t expecting such a odd remark, all the times I have imagined telling someone about these dreams I thought I would be marked as mad, but here you are making me seem sane”

she stood and made her way to the balcony still chuckling to herself. She thought he was being funny and The Doctor felt his frustration get the better of him.

“They are visions, visions of another life, your life, the one you forgot!”

Amelia stopped laughing, this was insane. She wanted this to stop and here her only confident to this matter was now enhancing her madness. Her heart sank but she knew the time had come.

"You need to leave." 

Amelia whispered as she gripped the balcony railing, head bowed as she stared at the empty streets below.

“Look…I know it sounds insane but just listen to me”

He saw her grip tighten on the railing, her knuckles turning white, The Doctor didn’t know how far he could take this but he had to try. He was getting desperate.

“You have these dreams, but they were visions, those visions are your true life bleeding into your false one, you have to understand!”

Amelia turned her eyes dark and fierce but inside she felt close to tears, the familiar feeling of isolation hit her…wait, why had she felt isolated before?…

“I don’t have to do anything, I told you about my recurring nightmares in confidence, and I thought you understand, but you seem determined to encourage my madness!”

The Doctor knew this was his one and only chance and he was loosing fast!

Amelia started to pace the room, clearly at war with herself. She trusted this strange man the moment she met him but why? What was he to gain from making her descend into madness could he be telling the truth? Amelia shook her head violently. It can’t be true this is absurd, this is real right here, right now! 

Then a thought hit her as she rounded once again on The Doctor, who hadn’t taken his eyes off her, Amelia took a deep breath.

“Suppose you are in fact telling me the truth, that I am in fact dreaming or having visions, whatever, about my true past then why am I here now, why did I choose to forget?”

However before The Doctor could speak another voice interrupted.

“What a terrific question, top of the class Amelia! Lets see what the answer is shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you are all probably sighing with relief now that the plot is moving on slightly faster, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review or Kudos if you like my work it would mean such a lot to know how I am doing. Thanks my Lovlies :) xxx


	9. Why would I give up what I have always wanted?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short but sweet chapter this time. As always reviews are very much welcome on all of my work so far x

Amelia yelled out in shock, grabbed the nearest object she could find and hurled it in the direction of the voice. She watched in horror as the man vanished into thin air only to reappear in the same spot, he casually looked behind him at the broken vase then turned back a look of distaste with a hint of boredom etched across his face. 

“Please, you really think a vase can hurt me? A Dreamlord? Clue is in the name sweetheart and here was me thinking you had inherited the brains what a pity you take after your father after all”

If Amelia had felt overwhelmed before that was nothing compared to how she felt now, her body was shaking but miraculously she kept her voice steady. 

“I don’t have a father”

She replied bluntly. The Dreamlord chucked to himself, he loved this bit, when they were on the brink of insanity, no idea what was real and what was fake, the girls grandparents had been exactly the same. 

“Oh he is telling the truth dear, he is your father, I understand the shock and disappointment, not much to him is there?”

The Doctor stepped forward menacingly

“Leave her alone” 

He growled, Amelia might not know who he was but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still be her father. He stepped in front of her protectively, however Amelia pushed roughly passed him so she was once more in between The Doctor and The Dreamlord, she rounded on The Doctor with fire in her eyes.

“don’t ever think you can speak on my behalf” 

She hissed before turning back to the amused Dreamlord.

“He…” 

She accused, pointing her finger at The Doctor.

“…claims I have lost memories and since you claim he is my father you clearly have something to do with this mess so you know how to give them back to me”

“Interesting turn of events”

The Dreamlord mused, Amelia took his silence to mean that he felt cornered and stepped forward her fists clenched. 

“Give them back to me!”

She snarled.

The dreamlord held his hands up in mock surrender.

“You agreed to have them removed”

He leans in closer a dramatic tone to his voice

“Do you really want them back? Is that a wise move?”

Amelia narrowed her eyes at him, contemplating, Did she really agree to this? Why would she choose to forget her family? Its all she had ever wanted, what happened to make her give all that up? There was only one way she would find out.

“Do it!”

Amelia demanded, unaware of the irony of that statement.


	10. To save you I could do anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Amelia and The Doctor sort out their dysfunctional relationship and also live to see another day?

Amelia felt like she had been struck round the head, the sheer force of all the forgotten memories suddenly forcing themselves back into her mind caused her to stumble violently backwards.  
She felt someone catch her but the rush of negative emotions that hit her left her thinking about nothing else. It was physically painful; she had no control as she cried out in agony, trying with all her might to make some sense of what was running wild in her head. 

Flashbacks started playing on what seemed like fast-forward in her head, she sees images flashing before her eyes. All the times she desperately wanted to explore new worlds and lands but only catching a glimpse of them before her father shuts the Tardis door telling her she’s too young, She was forbidden to do her favourite hobbies but never told why, the times she caught him looking at her with distaste and almost shame. All that fear, isolation and loneliness. No wonder she wanted out. 

She realised that The Doctor was holding her and scrambled away from both men as fast as she could, backing up against the wall with tears forming she confronts her father who was looking at her with pain in his eyes. Amelia couldn’t bare it any longer.

“You always look at me like that, as long as I can remember, you think I don’t notice but I always do, why am I such a disappointment to you? TELL ME!”

She screamed, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably, her eyes showed the years of desperation and the cold resentment she now felt.

The Doctor turned away from her but it didn’t stop the stabbing feeling of guilt attack in full force, this clearly had a lasting effect on his daughter and he hadn’t realised, He thought he had concealed his feelings but he had been terribly mistaken. She thought he didn’t care and looked at her with bitter disappointment but really it was the opposite and with all his hearts he wanted her to know that.  
The Doctor, with his back still turned away from his daughter spoke calmly trying not to let the breath catch in his throat.

“I…I never thought I could have a family again, not with the life I lead, When you were born I was…terrified, terrified of not being able to protect you. The guilt of knowing that you are in constant danger because you have me as your father was almost too much to bare.”

He turned to face his daughter’s tear streaked face, choking back his own tears as he continued.

“When I look at you and your brother I am so terrified of failing you, I want to keep you both safe from the horrors that you were born in to”

He stepped towards Amelia and cupped her face in his hands.

“You are my pride and joy, as are your mother and brother, you are my world and you will never...ever be a disappointment to me and even if it takes all my lifetimes to convince you I will never stop. You're my daughter, and we've only just got started. You're going to be great. No! You're gonna be more than great, you’re going to be amazing.”

Amelia starts to sob uncontrollably as she finally embraces her father. The Doctor holds his daughter tightly relief coursing through him as he strokes her hair soothingly.

A cough sounded alerting them both to the Dreamlords presence once again.

“Well that was charming I must say, I almost shed a tear, bravo! Bravo!”

The Dreamlord cheered, clapping his hands mockingly.

“Well since you have finally managed to work out your little domestic, It is now the appropriate time for you both to learn that actually The Doctors time is up”

The Doctor frowned 

“How do you have the power to kill me when this is a dream? Killing me will only cause me to return back to reality”

The Dreamlord chuckled.

“Ahhhh, yes Doctor that is true, the last time we had our little encounter I was weak and foolish compared to what I have become now. Time is a beautiful thing Doctor, don’t you agree?”

The Dreamlord paced around the pair savouring the moment as he continued.

“Since my last defeat I have had centuries to decide my next move, I knew I needed something more to get to you, Timelord, and I knew the weakness you have for the ones you love so imagine my delight when I learnt you had a family, oh dear me it was like Christmas!”

The two men were only fixated on each other so none of them noticed Amelia back slowly across the room desperately looking for something to defend themselves with, she didn’t like the way this Dreamlord was talking, She searched keeping her eyes fixed on the Dreamlord listening to every word.

“You see I came across some rather unusual creatures and discovered that we shared not only very similar powers but also a purpose, to destroy you. The dream crabs they called themselves, they seemed to be particularly insistent that you perish, now who am I to argue? They helped me to become stronger in order to kill you, giving me the power to create dreamlike illusions. By using your beloved daughter as the vessel there was no doubt that you would follow her and fall into the trap your daughter unknowingly set for you.”

The Dreamlord swivelled round revealing a weapon unlike anything The Doctor had ever seen before, yet something was telling him this wasn’t the first time he had encountered it.

“Do you not recognise the weapon of your demise, Doctor, how about standing by a lake, is that jogging any memories old man?”

The Dreamlord teased.

The Doctor thought his hearts would stop as he realised he was threatened with the very weapon his beloved wife was forced to use against him. The power in that dreaded spacesuit had been condensed into a small gun. The agonising thoughts of his wife’s torture because of him began to surface once more yet The Doctor stood his ground refusing to break, he had to protect his daughter the way he couldn’t protect his wife. He owed River that at the very least.

Across the room, seemingly invisible to both men, Amelia attempted to stop the paralyzing effects of anxiety due the threat on her fathers life focusing instead on analysing the Dreamlord’s words. He said she was the vessel and the trap set for her father was in fact her doing so that meant she must also be in some sort of control over the illusion. Amelia closed her eyes ready to test her theory, as she imagined it she suddenly felt the cold metal of the weapon the Dreamlord possessed, duplicated in her hands.

Amelia gasped in shock though not loudly enough to be noticed but that didn’t matter something had clicked in Amelia’s head and suddenly she felt larger than life at how much control she truly had over the situation. Straightening up she confidently addressed the Dreamlord who until now had not been paying attention.

“The problem with you, Dreamlord, is that you are so focused on destroying my father that you have failed to notice a fatal flaw in your plan”

The Dreamlord turned towards Amelia irritated and already bored with the little girls foolish intervention.

“Oh and what might that be my dear?”

The Dreamlord drawled whilst still keeping the gun pointed straight at The Doctors hearts.

“Me”

Amelia replied triumphantly as she raised the same weapon and pointed it at the Dreamlord a menacing feeling swelled inside her making her feel powerful as she loaded the gun.  
The Dreamlord howled with laughter.

“Oh I really did underestimate your stupidity didn’t I? Well I suppose that’s what I get when I use a half breed as my vessel, how very disappointing. You can’t destroy me, I used you to create this dream I am in control of everything in this place.”

Amelia felt the anxiety hit her in the gut but held her stance as her mind began searching frantically for another plan. The anxiety became almost crippling as she realised what she had to do. Her eyes seemed to harden with acceptance. 

“You’re right there is only one way to stop you and that’s to kill the vessel”

She declared as she pointed the gun at her chest.  
The Doctor step forward arms raised, beyond terrified at what his daughter was about to do.

“No! You can’t do this, we don’t even know if you can regenerate…”

Amelia felt her hand start to shake and knew she couldn’t hold it off any longer. Tears streaming down her face she turned to her fathers petrified face.

“…I’m sorry daddy, I got us into this mess and I will get you out, Mum and Freddie need you, tell them how much I love them, please.”

She choked before closing her eyes 

“I love you”

She whispered as she pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very dramatic chapter but not as dramatic as the last one, you guys are in for a ride! well I have been on one just thinking it up so hopefully you will go on the same journey as I have. Enjoy this penultimate chapter to my story.


	11. All of time stopped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER!!! I apologise for the severe delay in getting this chapter done but so much has been happening this this had to take a back seat for a while, but please enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think!

He could get to her in time, he had to. He could save her if he could just reach her. 

The Doctor lunged towards his daughter just as her last words of love left her lips. Everything seemed to slow down; it may have been the dream or merely the sheer desperation of a father trying to save his daughter. Against all the odds he knew he could make it, he had to make it. 

The gun went off. Shattering the illusion as all hope drained. The screams of his daughter ripped through The Doctor’s body as if the bullet had gone through his own chest.   
The Dreamlord, also screaming, crumpled to the floor, fading from view. Dead or not The Doctor did not care, with only eyes for his daughter, who was on the brink of collapse, she drop the gun, clutching her chest, blood soaking through her shirt, her face contorted with pain. Tears of fear and agony streaming down her face she stumbled backwards.

The Doctor caught her and slowly laid her down so she was in his arms. He didn’t know what to do, Amelia was shaking her breathing ragged and forced, worst of all she was still conscious, feeling every bit of the agonising pain coursing through her body. Whether she could regenerate or not didn’t matter to her, she knew this was the end. She looked up at her father and managed to smile sadly letting him know that it was okay even though she was terrified.  
She tried to speak but the pain made it almost impossible. The Doctor tried to remain calm; she could survive this, regenerate possibly. He didn’t know if she could, how much Timelord was really in her? He tried to stem the blood pulsating from her chest . He couldn’t loose her, it should have been him. Amelia’s face was quickly draining of colour; the blood loss was becoming too much and she was slipping in and out of consciousness. He had to keep her talking. He cupped her face with his hand, gently, trying to keep his own voice steady.

“Hey, you can survive this I know you can, you are so strong, don’t give up…please”

The last word came out as a sob. He struggled to compose himself as he smiled down at her and she managed to return it. The Doctor felt another stab of pain in his hearts as he saw the now calm but sad acceptance in his daughters eyes as she gasped.

“I’m…sorry”

The Doctor stroked her head softly tears starting to fall rapidly as he cradled her.

“Don’t ever be sorry this wasn’t your fault. I should have been able to protect you and you should have known how much I love you. You have to hold on. Please! We have only just gotten started, I may have been over protective but there is so much to see, a whole universe to explore”

Amelia looked at him and despite how terrified of how she was, the acceptance of her fate gave her a feeling of peace as she smiled sadly up at her father.

Her body suddenly became limp and the light in her eyes faded. She was gone.

…

Rivers head snapped up at a long shrill sound piercing her ears. Her heart plummeted as she realised what it was. Her mind snapped into autopilot as the Tardis extracted the room, which would have otherwise put River to sleep as she burst into the medical bay. She tried not to think as she assessed the situation. Her daughter’s monitor had flat-lined and blood was pulsating out of a wound that had not been there seconds before. Her hands shaking she binds the wound tightly and begins CPR. Blood was pounding deafeningly in her head but River kept one thought clearer then anything else, she wouldn’t give up on her. She couldn’t. 

The Doctor then woke, disoriented but screaming his daughter’s name. He sat bolt upright, both hands clenched hard one on the chair arm and the other clutching Amelia’s hand. He had seen her die, the light go out in her eyes. He slumped back on the chair, dazed, unable to process. It was only when Amelia’s hand seemed to be wrenched from his that he turned his head slowly. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as he focused on his wife trying to revive Amelia.

The dull, muffled tones suddenly turned into a shrill screech of Amelia’s flat lining heart monitor as The Doctor was forced back into reality. He slowly rose from the seat and walked towards River who knew in her heart that Amelia had gone but couldn’t give up, tears streamed down her face as she continued to try and revive her daughter. The Doctor attempted to comfort her. Feeling his presence River screamed pushing him away her tear streaked face turning fierce with rage and grief. She thought she knew how it felt to be broken but nothing in her life compared to what she felt now, it was more then she could bare as she rounded on her husband.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?”

River shrieked every fibre in her body wanted to attack; she had lost all self-control as she started towards him.

“YOU LET HER DIE, WHATEVER HE WAS, WAS A PART OF YOU AND IT KILLED HER!”

The Doctor didn’t even register the physical part of River’s rage, the words cut into him so deeply he didn’t know how to respond, what to do. She was right, he had killed her. Everyone he has or will ever love will always be in danger and the biggest threat was him. 

“I know”

He whispered, it was barely audible but River heard and all words left her, as she watched her husband, the father of her children, leave the med bay already a broken man but now someone who had no hope of repair. River slumped on a seat drew her knees up and hugged them, the anger and rage had vanished and all that was left was complete hopelessness as she wept.

…

As he had many times in the past, The Doctor was thankful for the never-ending corridors of the Tardis. He walked at various speeds, breaking into a sprint every now and again, attempting stay in control. He stopped and looked in front of him facing a large oak door that reached from ceiling to floor in length with large carved panels each containing Galifreyan lettering spelling the names of his family, including the Pond’s. He stared for what felt like an eternity at every crevice of the design, stroking each as if he were touching the actual people instead of the hard cold wood. His hands shook as he pushed open the door to reveal the library. There were hundreds of libraries in the Tardis he was sure of it maybe even thousands so it seemed like a cruel fate that he was standing in Millie’s favourite room. He could sense every fibre of the room, which was bursting with a youthful excitement to learn. He felt like he was seeing ghosts, hearing her carefree laughter and the ecstatic heels of her shoes when she used to run with maybe five or six large books, almost topping over in her haste to browse them, to absorb the knowledge they offered.

It was too much to bear. She was gone, his little girl who’s curiosity ruled her head and her heart was lost because of him, his tainted soul, causing so much pain, too much pain to those he loved. 

“Why couldn’t I stop?”

he asked himself out loud, his hands balling into fists as he surveyed the empty library once rich in colour thanks to the vast collection of books. Now he realised it wasn’t the books that created the colour it was Amelia, her joy spread to all four corners illuminating it with passion and desire to learn. But it had been snuffed out, by him.

The Tardis begins to hum in warning but The Doctor ignored her, the rage had been building to breaking point and just like that the grief might as well have snapped him in two. He felt the full force of the oncoming storm erupt out of him as he began to wreak the room. There was no controlling him now as he threw and tore at the books screaming in grief and hatred, hurling oak desks and chairs bits of wood and paper tore at his hands but he didn’t care anymore. Why should he care anymore? He destroys everything he touches his daughter was dead, his wife will never forgive him and Freddie…

A voice pierced through the rage, the oncoming storm and tore at his soul.

“DAD, STOP!”

The Doctor dropped whatever he was about to hurl, suddenly feeling weak and drained as he turned to see Freddie standing in the doorway. His whole body was shaking severely but his eyes were fixed on his father. He spoke again but this time his voice shook.

“Please, just stop, Mill…Millie wouldn’t have wanted this”

Freddie’s voice cracked as he spoke his sister’s name but he stood firm knowing he needed all the strength he could muster to get through to his father. He had never seen the oncoming storm but unbeknownst to his family he had read the stories, stories about the merciless slaughters and The Timelord Victorious. It was an understatement to say that he struggled to process the information and understood why his parents wanted to keep him and Millie away from it. But now he knew why the information sought him out, it was almost fate as he stood tall in the doorway face to face with the very monster feared by most but not him, oncoming storm or not he was his father, The Doctor, the man he idolised since birth, we all have our curses and this was his and Freddie knew he could get through to him.

“No more, please!” 

Freddie pleaded not being able to stop the tears that started to flow down his face, it was all too much, he had already lost his sister, he couldn’t loose his father too. 

All the anger, fear and rage seeped out of The Doctor when he saw his son strong but so broken at the same time, it shattered his hearts as he staggered forward and embraced his son drawing him in and holding on tightly. They would get through this if not for his own sake then for Freddie’s. A sudden thought entered his mind. Why wasn’t Freddie shocked or surprised at how his own father had acted, he was scared of himself so why wasn’t his son? He pushed the question to the back of his mind, now was not the time.

…

River didn’t know how much time she stayed in that position, hugging her knees and staring at her daughter’s lifeless body. It could have been years for all she cared. As she unfurled herself she sat bent over her head in her hands. Then she screamed, not any scream, the of pain, trauma and grief she had encountered in her life all came out in one horrifying, intense and prolonged scream. Her head was pounding; as the scream became sobs she glanced up and saw her husband and son in the doorway. The only lights in her life. She felt a deep pit in her stomach as she realised that they had witnessed that and in an attempt to give the impression that she was fine, River stood up only to find she was struggling to even support herself, the weight of her emotions almost paralysing as her knees buckled. She felt her husbands arms around her, catching and holding her tightly as they both sank to the floor, Freddie let his father pull him in too and together the family held each other in silent grief.

After what could have easily been hours Freddie pulled away, the exhaustion of grief now getting to him as he left his parents in each others arms. He gazed down at his sisters lifeless body and with fresh tears forming in his eyes, the little Time lord kissed his sister on the forehead as a final goodbye, if he didn’t now then he didn’t think he would ever be able too. As he was about to leave the med bay something clicked in his tired yet still sharp mind. If his sister had been dead for hours how could she sill be warm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the angst but i wanted to do it justice and i hope i have. Look out for the next chapter coming SOON!


End file.
